Viagens da Iris - Iris's Travels

Mr. Tin, Mrs. Snow and Mr. Apfel

2012-02-11T07:22:00.000-08:00

Drawings for this assignment: A minimum two-page comic story starring yourself, a snowman, a robot, and a piece of fruit, with one character that speaks a language other than English (real, imagined, or pictorial).

Cartoonists are like that

2012-02-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

I got accepted to The Center for Cartoon Studies! Below is the essay that was part of my application.

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‘Are you taking your drawing pens’,my boyfriend asked me, as I was packing for a short trip to the field tointerview some farmers. ‘No,’ Isaid,’ it’s just a three-day trip.’ ‘You should take them,’ he insisted. ‘You should always take yourdrawing pens with you’. He was right. I consider him a real cartoonist, while Iam still an aspiring, not yet 100% cartoonist. Real cartoonists feel the needto draw wherever they go, so they are always prepared with some pen they canuse. They take paper or sketchbooks with them too, though napkins and any otherpaper would work just as well when the desire to draw strikes them.

Cartoonists are a rare species. Theyare not that easy to find. I only met two in my entire life, compared to atleast twenty doctors and the same number of engineers. That’s because they are either secludedat home, drawing, or in bars, getting drunk. I am not particularly a bar person. I go to bars fewer timesthan I go see doctors, hence my statistics might be skewed. Also mostcartoonists can’t live off being a cartoonist 100% of the time, so they will doother jobs while cartooning. They might pass as fashion designers[1],architects, art school teachers, graphic designers, and even photographers[2]or engineers[3] or boring9-to-5 job holders[4][5].

Cartoonists like to drink coffeeand smoke[6] –butso does 95% of the rest of the world.

Cartoonists are pet-people,especially cats – because cartoonists tendto be recluses or plain socially inept[7],they sit around all day drawing or surfing the internet. A cat can sit on theirlaps easily and warms the poor cartoonist’s legs during winter. Dogs need to bewalked every day. Unless the cartoonist has someone else to do this, mostwouldn’t want to care for a dog. Compare the number of cats as main charactersin cartoons – there’s Garfield, Felix the Cat, Fritz the Cat, Calvin and Hobbes[8],Tom and Jerry, Krazy Kat and Simon’s cat – to dogs – we only have Snoopy, HongKong Phooey, Mother Goose and Grimm, Mutts and Fred Basset. So I only gave 7 examples against 5which doesn’t seem like a strong argument, but many autobiographicalcartoonists have also drawn about their own cats, such as Liz Prince, YasmineSurovec, Lucy Knisley, JohnPorcelino, and Jeffrey Brown, to cite just a few, and this proves my point.

Cartoonists are proud nerds –Cartoonists know that Goscinny was the funny onewho wrote the text for Asterix, Lucky Luke and Iznogud, and that he died of afulminating heart attack at the doctor’s office during a cardio test becausehis long-time friend and Asterix partner Uderzo asked him to get his healthchecked[9].Cartoonists know that the best Scrooge McDuck stories are by Carl Barks or DonRosa. Even outside the realm of cartoons, e.g. when my cartoonist friend seesporn, he proudly recognizes the actress, the real color of her hair and howmany movies she has made.

Cartoonists are not very ambitious– no one who wants to become rich orpowerful one day is ever going to say “I am going to be a cartoonist when Igrow up.” No one expects to get rich from drawing cartoons. Charles Schulz wasan exception, Walt Disney is considered more of a businessman than a realcartoonist and Frank Miller (if he indeed is rich now) only became rich afterhe sold the rights to film “Sin City” and “300”.

Cartoonists don’t see shrinks – firstly, most cartoonists don’t have enough moneyto pay for shrinks, even if they want to see one. Drawing has a therapeuticeffect that takes off the need to see psychological help.

Cartoonists are touched bypeople who draw for them – because peopleare always asking them to draw for free, whether it is a wedding invitation ora business logo or a birthday card, when finally someone else decides to drawsomething for the cartoonists, their hearts melt out like butter under thesun. Most people wouldn’t riskdrawing anything for a cartoonist thinking it would be lame to compare theirown meager artistic skills to a professional artist’s, and precisely because sofew people dare do that, cartoonists are longing for drawings for them that arenot made by them. It’s similar tohow chefs feel when someone else cooks dinner for them, even if the meal mightnot be as great as if they have cooked it themselves. They feel cared for, andloved.[10]

I can say from my personalexperience that I managed to date my current cartoonist boyfriend after I senthim daily cartoons with representations of me hitting on him. Two hundred cartoonslater and after his online dating account expired, he started warming up to me.

Cartoonists can make a cartoonout of everything – even bitter lifeexperiences. Maybe especially out of bitter life experiences. John Callahandrew a cartoon about his alcoholism[11].David Small drew “Stitches”, a book about his childhood with cancer and a crazyabusive grandmother and a not-so-loving mother who suffered from closetedlesbianism. Marjane Satrapi drew “Persepolis” based on her childhood in Iran.Craig Thompson drew “Blankets” based on his adolescence. Alex Noriega is drawing a graphic novelabout his anosmia[12].Maitena Burundarena draws about her hormones. Fiction sometimes gets mixed withreal life, but real experiences are certainly a constant source of inspirationfor the cartoonist. They observe, they reflect, and they draw.

Cartoonists have a twisted senseof humor – the best jokes are the onesthat nobody has the courage to make. John Callahan made a cartoon about KKK[Figure 1], and Alex Noriega made a cartoon about Hitler [Figure 2]. They madethese unanimously unpopular characters seem like your next door neighbor, andreceived a lot of hate mail because of it. Nothing is considered too much of ataboo for a cartoon. Being politically correct is not one of the items in thehow to be a cartoonist manual.

Just because it’s funny, itdoesn’t mean it’s not serious. Cartoons allow people to address heavy issues in ahumorous way. They also spread ideas faster. Because of their courage toportray injustices, many cartoonists become political targets in societieswhere free speech is a luxury, such as Syrian cartoonist Ali Ferzat[13]. Being a cartoonist is one of the oldestprofessions in the history of humanity – ever since the first cave man whodoodled the bison hunt on the rock walls and became rock art – as long as humansociety exists so will cartoonists. And there is nothing to be ashamed aboutbeing one, or writing about them.

[1] “For thelast 8 years I´ve been working in the fashion industry designing T-shirts and Ihate it with all my soul.”, Alex Noriega, inhttp://www.myskoteket.se/featured-articles/bakom-varje-linje-01-alex-noriega

[2] If “What theDuck” author Aaron Johnson is not a photographer, he certainly knows a lotabout the profession

[3] Potentialprofessions of “Piled Higher and Deeper”author Jorge Cham and “Saturday MorningBreakfast Cereal” author Zach Weiner

[4] “For me, oneof the big lessons of the chickens has been learning how important it is to dosomething creative every day, even if it's only for a few minutes.”, DougSavage, author of “Savage Chickens”, through personal communication in July2010, which led me to think he has a boring 9-to-5 job

[5] “By day,Doug Savage edits software manuals in the dark recesses of a giant corporation;by night, he is the creator of Savage Chickens, a cartoon drawn entirely onsticky notes”, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/doug-savage, December 2011.

[6] Notnecessarily cigarettes. Smoking can include pipe, marijuana as well as hashish.

[7] “I've beentold that I'm socially inept and that I have the personality of a blank pieceof paper. Thank god for the internet”, Yasmine Surovec, in http://catversushuman.blogspot.com/p/about.html

[8] Hobbes wasinspired by Bill Watterson’s own cat Sprite.

[9] Ironically,if Goscinny had continued living his sedentary life he might have survived afew more years.

[10] I believe asimilar logic applies to other professions as well, except in the case ofcolonoscopy doctors. Nobody likes to get fingered in their butt undernon-sexual circumstances, irrespective of whose finger it is.

[11] Can befound at the end of his book “Digesting the child within: and other cartoons tolive by”, ISBN-10 0688094880

[12] Personalcommunication, November 2010.

[13] http://www.worldpolicy.org/blog/2011/10/07/egyptians-show-solidarity-tortured-syrian-cartoonist

Dinner for two

2011-12-13T16:12:00.000-08:00

Cartoons

2011-12-03T05:08:00.001-08:00

Movie watched in November 2011

2011-12-03T05:02:00.001-08:00

Zach and Miri make a porno - by Kevin Smith ( from Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma, etc), with Seth Rogen (from Knocked Up). Zach (Seth) is pretty funny who works at a Starbuck look alike and is out of cash. He has the brilliant idea of directing a porno movie with his housemate Miriam to make loads of money after he meets a gay porno actors couple in their high school reunion. It was quite funny throughout with some cheesy cute romantic scenes (as Zach and Miri have to become a couple in the end).

I can't believe I only watched one movie in November. I will try to make up for the lag in December.

Movies watched in October 2011

2011-12-03T04:51:00.001-08:00

Glengarry Glen Ross - an all-male casting movie (except for the coat-check girl at the Chinese restaurant), about real estate agents that need to sell better or they will get axed. Al Pacino is the salesman that manages most sales per month, while Jack Lemmon is the one that is almost being fired. Alec Baldwin plays the major asshole that has the best lines of the movie. It is an excellent movie, but rather depressing (throughout, and more so towards the end).

The Town, by Ben Affleck and with Ben Affleck. He is a young man from Charlestown, a neighborhood of Boston well known for breeding bank robbers (dunno whether that is true or not). He is the brain of the operations, while his other Irish-American friends are the hands etc. He starts dating the girl that was the manager in one of the banks they robbed and that was taken hostage by them, and wants himself out of the bank robbing business, but is forced to make another robbery. It's a pretty cool movie.

Margin Call - about the Wall Street crash, or the 24 hours before it. I don't remember *which* Wall Street crash, but I think it was the 2008 one. Some investment bank analyst realizes that investments have been sold outside of their risk margin (or something like that, as I have no clue what it is all about), and basically everything was overvalued and things were going to collapse soon, and some people need to be sacrificed and fired. It has some really famous people (Demi Moore, Jeremy Iron, Stanley Tucci - I like Stanley Tucci - , Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, etc), nothing really happens during the movie yet it doesn't feel that long. It's just mood, mood, oh something bad is going to happen soon what do we do, and then the movie is over.

Atonement, based on Ian McEwan's homonymous book. I have mixed feelings about this movie. At some point in the middle of watching it I thought it was pretty crappy, then near the end I started liking it again. I haven't read the book yet so I can't tell whether I like it better than the book or not. A friend said there was good acting in it (which I disagree) but the movie wasn't good and another friend loved the movie, so I decided to keep the movie for a while and maybe watch it again some other time.

Movies watched in September 2011

2011-12-03T04:29:00.001-08:00

Dockanema in Maputo happened this month (see Pigs in Maputo), and I managed to watch 5 documentaries this year.

Nostalgia de la luz, Dockanema - directed by Chilean Patricio Guzmán, tells the story of astronomers observing the stars from the Atacama desert, while a group of mothers try to find the bones of their children that were killed by the Pinochet regime and were supposedly buried there. I think it was a very good movie, but unfortunately I was too tired and fell asleep during the screening. My boyfriend went with me, he stayed awake throughout the entire movie and liked it.

Warchild, Dockanema - this is the story of Emmanuel Jal, who was a child soldier in Sudan's civil war, and who eventually fled through Kenya to the world and became a hip-hop artist. He was there after the screening and answered questions from the audience. Really cool guy, and he's smart, young, and single (for any women out there who might be interested - I say women because I think he's straight, but I didn't ask). He might be a little fucked up still because he still has nightmares about what happened and things he had to do. More about the movie can be found here. It was a really powerful movie, and of course, depressing at the same time.

Robert Mugabe - What happened?, Dockanema - this is a documentary in which many people from Zimbabwe were interviewed. People who used to be politicians and even Mugabe's friends or coalition people and later fell out of grace. Also farmers (white and black) who suffered during his regime. The movie, however, doesn't really answer the question posed. It gives the impression that Mugabe started off quite well, and flipped off once he decided he didn't want to lose power and has been behaving like a crazy maniac since. My favorite part of the movie is when they say that not long after his wife died he married his secretary with whom he already had some children. Didn't look like he was too heartbroken...

The axe and the tree, Dockanema - it's a movie about an NGO that helps people recover from wars. They join people from both sides of the war, and they share their losses and suffering in a big circle, have activities with trees and nature, to try to help them forgive things they've done, and thing they've done to others. Also with people from Zimbabwe.

My name is Ahlam, Dockanema - a movie about a little girl that has a disease (I think it was leucemia but now I'm not sure) and her mother has to keep crossing the border between Israel and Palestina, I think. The girl is really cute (about 2 or 3 years old), and sometimes she gets better but most times she gets worse. In the end she dies, which just goes to prove my theory that people never make happy documentaries. A happy documentary is a fantasy.

Midnight in Paris, by Woody Allen - nothing happens in the movie, except to show how cool Paris always was, especially in the 1920s with all the artists and writers. Owen Wilson even made his voice whinier than usual, and sounded more like Woody Allen. Scary. Maybe if I had read books by Fitzgerald and the other writers mentioned I would have enjoyed the movie more. Unlikely, though.

Wolf's Rain - anime series. I watched this 3-dvd series (my 2nd dvd was a bit weird, it had many repeat scenes from previous episodes) about wolves that could look like humans. These wolf-humans were after the Flower Maiden, because she could lead them to Paradise. About 4 of these wolf-humans get together, and start searching for Paradise together, while some funky weird people trapped the Flower Maiden to create their own Paradise. There are various battles in which all wolves die except one, and then everybody seems to revive again. I would not watch this series again. I should not even have wasted my time watching it the first time, but I am a sucker for anime, especially anime that I have bought.

Movies watched in August 2011

2011-12-03T04:15:00.001-08:00

Ceremony, with Michael Angarano and Uma Thurman. About a man (Michael Angarano) who is infatuated with this older woman (Uma Thurman) who is engaged to a documentary director who was good looking, mature and cool. Eventually the man realizes he is an ass and Uma should marry her fiancée, who knew about her infidelities anyway and didn't give a shit about them. Lame movie, but I've seen worse romantic comedies. This one wasn't even a comedy.

Henry's Crime, with Keanu Reeves, James Caan and Vera Farmiga. Henry (Keanu Reeves) comes out of prison for a crime he did not commit but then he decides to rob a bank that is right next to a rundown theater, where an actress (Vera Farmiga) is rehearsing for her next play. Henry calls for the help of James Caan (who is in prison, but manages to get out pretty easily for good behavior), and part of the plan requires Henry to act in the play with Vera as well. It is a naive movie, but not bad. Quite entertaining.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4 - On Stranger Tides, with Penelope Cruz. I was a bit disappointed because there was no Orlando Bloom in this movie but then I remembered that his character only steps on land every 20 years and it hasn't been 20 years since Pirates of the Caribbean 3. I don't like Penelope Cruz anymore, so I didn't pay much attention to the movie, except that she seemed to have had a fling with Captain Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and then a fall out. They were after some water that would give eternal life to someone. Reminded me of Indiana Jones 3.

Kung Fu Panda 2 - unfortunately my copy wasn't too good, but the general story is that there is a bad-ass peacock that was the reason Panda had to flee from his native land and end up adopted by a goose (duck?). His father finally tells Panda that he was adopted, and he has flashback images of his homeland being burnt down. Of course Panda wins in the end, after quite a fight with Mr. Peacock.

Wrecked, with Adrien Brody - according to the description on the cover of the movie: "a movie exploring the nothingness as the new standard for making a story". It was at the heart of nothingnesss. Adrien Brody is trapped in a car accident and doesn't remember anything. Nothing happens in the movie, and there is not even a proper script. But it was meant to be that way, so in some sense this movie was successful. Probably the worst movie I saw this year.

Hanna, with Eric Bana and Cate Blanchett - Hanna is a girl that was trained by her father to be a Nikita. She goes back and tries to avenge her mother by killing the people who had her mother killed (for example, Cate Blanchett being one of them). Eric Bana is her father but apparently Hanna is a product of some special experiment to make super human agents. Not a bad action movie. (I think my standards are going downhill.)

The conspirator, directed by Robert Redford - by far the best movie watched this month, it tells the story of the trial of Mary Surratt, who was accused of plotting the assassination of American president Abraham Lincoln. Young Professor Xavier from X-men (James McAvoy) plays her reluctant defendant, but as he sees that it would be an injustice to incriminate her he actually does a good job of defending her (even though he still fails).

Cartoons

2011-10-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

Cartoons

2011-10-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

Maputo parou de manhã por causa do ciclismo nos jogos africanos

2011-09-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

Os jogos africanos deste ano estão sendo sediados em Maputo. Começaram dia 3 de setembro e vão até o dia 18. Nesta quinta passada, decidiram fechar algumas ruas para poderem fazer a prova de ciclismo. Fecharam parcialmente a Avenida Marginal, a 25 de setembro, a Julius Nuyere, a Eduardo Mondlane, entre outras. Resultado: levei uma hora e 30 minutos para chegar do Museu de História Natural até a 25 de setembro, na altura do prédio da Mcel. Todas as reuniões que meus colegas tinham foram desmarcadas ou atrasadas. Quem saiu de casa depois das 8h não conseguia chegar a lugar nenhum. Algumas sugestões das pessoas durante este transtorno foram "por que não fizeram esta corrida ontem, dia 07 de setembro, que foi feriado?""por que não fizeram a pista de ciclismo, fora da cidade, na auto-estrada de Boane?". Enfim. Eu fiquei preocupada com os buracos que há nas ruas... isso não atrapalha o ciclismo? Em determinada altura, no meio da confusão, havia ciclistas entre os carros na Eduardo Mondlane, que ainda estavam tentando trocar de pista. Vários colegas meus decidiram abandonar seus carros e ir ao escritório a pé. Se eu tivesse escolhido ir a pé ao trabalho, teria levado 30 minutos....
Os transtornos continuaram na sexta-feira, dia 09 e também hoje, domingo dia 11. No entanto, as pessoas dessa vez já estão mais precavidas...

Cartoons

2011-09-04T00:52:00.000-07:00

Movies watched in July 2011

2011-08-28T01:43:00.000-07:00

X-Men 5: First Class - the fifth X-Men movie wasn't as good as the first ones, but it was definitely better than the one about Wolverine's origins. James McAvoy plays young Professor Xavier and Michael Fassbender plays young Magneto (which is a pity, as one of the attractions of the X-Men movies for me was Ian McKellen). Story is about Magneto's origins, and how he and Xavier try to work together but never really get to that point, and also shows how Xavier becomes paraplegic. Young Xavier seems to take some sexual interest in the opposite sex than the older Xavier, who seemed to me as sexual as Spock.

The Phantom - pilot movie of a series that never came out, a re-adaptation to more modern times of the comic "Phantom" - this guy who dressed in purple, had a skull as his symbol and lived inside a cave with the shape of a skull.

Sunset Limited - the entire movie is a conversation between Black (Samuel Jackson) and White (Tommy Lee Jones) inside Black's apartment, after Black, who believes in God, has saved White (an atheist) from committing suicide in a train station. I found the movie a bit boring the first time I watched it but on second watching it was ok. Written by Cormac McCarthy, maybe it was originally meant to be a play.

Jack Goes Boating - a movie with Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing this guy who tries to go out with this woman who always thinks people are hitting on her or harassing her all the time. He learns swimming so that he can take the girl out on a boat ride later in Summer, and he also learns how to cook so that he can invite the girl out to dinner (i.e. basically he is a very nice guy). Meanwhile his friend and his wife are fighting each other the whole time. It's not really a comedy, it's not ready a drama. It's not funny and it's not touching, yet it doesn't suck entirely. It's an ok movie.The Savages is a much better movie.

The Milagro Beanfield War, directed by Robert Redford (with Sonia Braga in it!) is a movie about this big real estate company going into some Hispanic people's fields without their consent. The company was trying to buy out all the land and push people away but one guy decides to start planting beans in his field and that creates a lot of trouble for everybody. According to who recommended this movie to me, this is a movie about "how things can go bad without proper community consultation". Christopher Walken and Melanie Griffith take a part in the movie, too.

Cartoons

2011-08-28T00:12:00.000-07:00

Birthday card

2011-08-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

Ramadan 2011

2011-08-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

Ramadan começou de novo este ano, na data de 01 de agosto de 2011. Aqui segue a tabela dos horários de "quebra de jejum" diários. Notem que para cada dia, porque o sol está diferente, o horário para se quebrar o jejum varia alguns minutinhos. Sem contar que, dependendo de onde você está, o horário também varia alguns minutinhos. Eu descobri também que no horário para se quebrar o jejum é obrigatório comer ou beber qualquer coisinha. Bom, eu não estava fazendo isso. Mas como eu também estou fazendo isso só de farra, eu quebro meu jejum quando eu quero, normalmente depois do horário oficial mas às vezes também antes.
Sem contar esta lista de outros itens a serem seguidos. Meu favorito é "Ser tolerante e manter-se alegre com todos e a todo o momento".
As mulheres aqui cobrem o cabelo durante este período todo para não tentar os homens a pensarem besteira.

Movies watched in June 2011

2011-08-02T16:46:00.000-07:00

Hangover and Hangover 2 - because Hangover 2 was being sold on the streets and everybody was telling me how Hangover was a funny movie, I decided to watch both of them on the same day. Bad idea. Hangover 2 is not so funny when watched right after Hangover 1. Also because my copy of Hangover 2 wasn't that good, I generally liked Hangover 1 better. I was kind of surprised when they didn't show what happened on the bachelor's night out and felt a bit jipped until I realized the story got cooler and cooler. My favorite part was Mike Tyson's tiger showing up in the hotel room. Hagover 2 is basically Hangover 1, but in Bangkok.

Water for Elephants - a movie based on Sara Gruen's homonymous book. I think the book won some prize, but I'm not sure. The movies is BAD. The photography is fine, there are good actors in it (Reese Witherspoon and Christoph Waltz, from Inglorious Basterds), but a lame script and Robert Pattinson, the vampire lead in the Twilight Series kind of ruin it. Robert is a cute face but he has fewer expressions than the elephant in the movie. Then my dvd copy went out of sync (sound and image) and that just made the whole experience go downhill. I gave the movie away to a friend and I feel a bit guilty about it. More about my feelings on the movie can be found here.

Armless - I think this movie is Canadian, and it was weird and interesting. The story is about a man who has a psychological disorder called Body Integrity Identity Disorder, and his quest to cut off his own arms to feel complete. That's all the movie is about and we feel it's going to be a drag in the beginning but it actually catches our attention and the movie goes by really fast. I was afraid they would show really gruesome bloody scenes of the guy sawing away his arms, but they never showed that scene.

Smart people - an ok movie about a literature professor (played by Dennis Quaid) who is still mourning his dead wife and starts dating Sarah Jessica Parker. She basically ruins the movie. Ellen Page is really good as Dennis's daughter and Thomas Haden Church is pretty cool as the brother/uncle.
I suspect if Sarah Jessica Parker wasn't there the movie would have been a lot better.

Barney's version, with Paul Giamatti. Giamatti is a Jewish producer whose father is played by Dustin Hoffman. The movie starts from his youth in Italy and, after two unsuccessful marriages, he finally marries the mother of his children (played by Rosamund Pike, who was in Pride and Prejudice). After that the movie gets slower and more boring, until Giamatti gets Alzheimer and dies. That's it.

Movies watched in April 2011

2011-08-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 1 - not a particularly memorable movie, but I had to watch it because it was being sold here and I really liked all the books. I did notice that the kids (Hermione and Ron) improved in their acting skills since movie 1. The kid who plays Harry, however, continues to be hopelessly expressionless. Fortunately all the magic and special effects distract us a bit from his bad acting. Deathly Hallows part II is already being sold but the "dvd quality is bad" (when even the salesmen say it's bad, it must be un-watcheable!).

Never let me go, based on Kazuo Ishiguro's novel, with Carey Mulligan (actress from An Education), Andrew Garfield (from The Social Network and The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus), and Keira Knightley (from the Pirates of Caribbean, etc). On the cover, it says this is "a superb, poignant film about everlasting love". Well... it was an ok movie, where these three were kids who were in a school just for people who were born solely for the purpose to be organ donors. Therefore, they always knew that eventually they would die by the time they give their third or fourth organ donation. Their death is called "completion". The character played by Mulligan delays her completion a bit, because she chose to become a caretaker - someone who provides caring (psychological and otherwise) to those who are already donating their organs. There is some love triangle also (Mulligan always loved Garfield, who made out with Knightley). This movie was certainly better than Harry Potter and the movies I saw in March, though that's not saying much...

Heart and Souls, with Robert Downey Jr. and Elisabeth Shue (from Leaving Las Vegas, I always thought she was a hottie), about a boy who was born when 4 other people were dying. These 4 people become his attendant spirits, and follow him around everywhere, almost giving the impression that the child is schizophrenic. They only leave him one by one, when he (Downey) finish doing what these people were supposed to do in their lives but died before they managed. It's a light movie. The best scene is when Downey plays a woman taking over the body of his character in a business meeting.

The House Where Evil Dwells - a B minus or C plus movie about this American family that moves into Japan, into a house that previously witnessed murder: a Japanese woman who was betraying her husband with his student got caught by the husband, who killed both lovers and then harakiri-ed himself (incorrectly, according to a friend). The spirit of those three continue in the house (i.e. the house is haunted) and the same things start happening to the American family. The only person that doesn't get so affected is the American family's daughter, who is safely removed from the house before the shit hits the fan. The movie was ok B minus until one scene where crabs showed up from nowhere and tried to attack the little girl. Where did the giant crabs come from? That turned the movie into a C plus movie.

Jacob's Ladder, with Tim Robbins. By far the creepiest movie of the month, the movie is full of random scary scenes in the life of Jacob, Tim Robbin's character, a peaceful post office man who came back from Vietnam war. To understand the movie, one has to realize everything is going on in the astral planes, and Jacob is fighting for his soul. Given that I didn't realize that until someone in the audience said it out loud, I was pretty much lost for about 70% of the movie. Macaulay Culkin plays the role of Jacob's dead child who is in heaven already. One thing I did notice, though, is that Tim Robbins is f*ing TALL. He was at least one foot taller than pretty much everybody else in the movie.

They Live, a movie about how aliens are infiltrated in the general population, and this stud looking guy manages to find some sunglasses that allows one to identify who are the infiltrated people. He decides to join the quest of people who fight against the aliens. The movie is so trashy that is good and funny.

First Knight, a movie about Lancelot (played by Richard Gere) and King Arthur (played by Sean Connery) and his wife, who had a not so little crush on Lancelot. It was entertaining. Richard Gere is good looking (as in a shampoo commercial, with wavy hair that blows in the wind when he is riding horses) but expressionless (which fits his hard-ass role of warrior).

Communion, a movie about alien abduction played by Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken already looks creepy enough to be an alien himself, and the movie is kind of strange overall (like Christopher Walken).

The Prophecy - here again Christopher Walken is in it, but this time playing the bad guy (he was sort of a good/normal guy in Communion). Walken is archangel Gabriel, who in this movie goes bad and wants to start another rebellion in Heaven. The plan is to revive the spirit of a nasty war general who was accused of various atrocities in the body of this Mexican-American girl so that the balance between good and evil flips to evil's advantage. One sort of good looking guy and the little girl's teacher try to stop this evil plan.

The exorcist - the classic movie about this girl that gets possessed with an evil spirit and manages to lift the bed, walk backwards and turn her head 360 degrees around her neck. There was so much hype around watching this movie and I was so scared of it originally that it wasn't so bad after all (kind of like my reaction after watching Alien 10 years later - the alien then looked like a sorry little penis and not scary at all). Two priests try to exorcise the girl and I am not sure they succeed, given that both die in the end, leaving me the impression that the evil spirit was still left in the air. Maybe that's what lead to making Exorcist 2, 3, etc.

Devil's advocate - this is the second time I watch this movie where Al Pacino plays the devil himself (he looked as if he enjoyed the role) and Keanu Reeves is his protegé lawyer and Charlize Theron his (Keanu's) hot wife. It is probably the best script among all the ones I watched this month. The main message is that the devil dwells in the small details.

Matrix I, by the Wachowski brothers - another old classic, probably the N-th time I watch this, but it is always kind of fun. Again Keanu Reeves is in the movie, playing Neo, "the One" who can beat the Matrix, and Carrie-Anne Moss plays his kick-ass sidekick. Something about them all dressed in sleek black long coats, tight clothes and cool sunglasses make them look really hot and gay (especially Neo). I remember watching the other two movies in the series too but somehow they weren't as good.

Movies watched in March 2011

2011-08-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

Elephant White, with Djimon Hounsou (the black guy from Blood Diamond) and Kevin Bacon, directed by Prachya Pinkaew (same guy who directed Ong Bak, which I haven't seen). Ok, not a good movie, but I watched the whole thing. Djimon Hounsou is some hired assassin to kill some mafia dude, and there is this Asian girl that keeps falling him around, and supposedly helps him, but then I think he realizes she was already dead, one of the victims of the mafia he was hired to assassinate. Something like that.

Fair Game, with Naomi Watts and Sean Penn, is a movie based on the real-life story of an undercover CIA agent that lost her cover during the Iraq war. It was ok. The funny thing is that in real life, the character played by Sean Penn, an ex-diplomat, keeps having twins with his wives (Naomi Watts playing his second or third wife, I forget). It must be in his genes.

Another scam - just received

2011-07-06T00:56:00.000-07:00

Delay on my part has been due to the change of my duties. I have sucessfully deposited your Cashier Check of $825,000.00 USD with the United Parcel Service. I am now in Dubai (UAE) for my new job.

I need you to contact the United Parcel Service (UPS) for delivery of your check.

Please take note that you will pay a shipping/handling fee of $87.00 US Dollars.

Contact UPS with below details and pay the shipping/handling fee ($87 USD) to receive your cashier check:

Name: Collins Abah
Tel: +2348182662437
E-mail: ups-dispatch.ng@xnmsn.cn ups-dispatch.ng@xnmsn.cn>

Thank you for your patience.

Moore Pamela
Programme Manager

O discurso e a prática

2011-07-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

The girl who loved pink

2011-06-25T07:39:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl that had a special gift.
She could see things that no one else could see.
Like angels and fairies, which would make her very happy.
And monsters and demons, which would make her very scared.
Because she was scared, she decided she didn't want to see strange things anymore.
She took pink paint, and started pairing everything pink.
Because pink was her favorite color.
She covered all the demons and monsters in pink.
And she wasn't scared of them anymore.
But in her rush, she painted the angels and fairies pink as well.
So she couldn't see angels or fairies anymore.
She also painted herself pink, because she liked pink so much.
Her whole world was now pink, and she felt very safe in it.
The problem was, she couldn't see herself anymore.
When people told her she was a pretty girl, she didn't know whether they were saying that because the was pink, or because she was really pretty.
When someone gave her a flower and told her, "Here's a pretty flower for you, " she didn't know whether it was really a pretty flower because everything looked pink.
Even though she loved pink, she couldn't trust what was pretty anymore.
Slowly, she couldn't trust anything or anyone.
And she felt very, very lonely.
So lonely that she started to cry.
And she cried a lot!
The curious thing was, with her tear, she noticed that her dress wasn't pink anymore. Where the tears had dropped, it was a colorful flower print. The tears had washed away the pink paint.
"Wow! This is the real color of my dress! I had forgotten about it," she thought.
And she felt so sad that she could have forgotten the real color of her own dress that she cried some more.
And more things started to show up. And the more she saw, the more she cried.
Soon her whole world was back with its original colors again. And the angels and fairies showed up. And so did the demons and monsters.
But his time the girl didn't want to pain everything pink again. "I'm kind of sick of this color," she thought.
So she took a broom, and started sweeping all the unwanted entities out of her room.

The boy who was raised to be king

2011-06-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in a Kingdom not too far away, there was a Boy. This Boy was like any other boy. He liked to climb trees, he liked to play ball with his friends, and he liked to do mischief.

It so happens, however, that this Boy was also the son of the King. And the KIng expected him to be King after him.

When the Boy would climb a tree, the King would ask, "Son, why are you climbing the tree? You could get hurt.". "I want to pick an apple," the Boy said. "You shouldn't climb trees when there are many people who can climb trees for you," the King said. And the King told the castle servants to pick baskets and baskets full of apples for his son."

When the Boy would play ball, the King would tell him, "Son, you shouldn't play ball with anyone below your rank." "But there's nobody who's not below my rank," the Boy said. "Exactly," the King retorted. And the King told the castle servants to play ball for his son to watch.

When the Boy would do mischief, the King would say, "Son, why are you wasting your time when there are so many people around you wasting their time? You should give them things to do." And the King told the castle servants to do mischief for his son to watch.

The castle servants were always around the Boy asking, "Young Sire, do you want me to climb a tree for you?" "Young Master, do you want me to play ball for you?""Mighty Prince, do you want me to tie a cat's tail for you?"

Soon the Boy was lonely and bored. He had no friends, and he had nothing to do.

But time passes. And the Boy grew up and became a Man.
And then he became King.
And he had a Son. And he had many plans for his son's future. He wanted his son to be King after him.

One day, he saw his son climbing a tree. He went to his son and asked, "Son, why are you climbing the tree?You could get hurt.""I want to pick an apple," the son said.
He was going to say, "You shouldn't climb trees when there are many people who can climb trees for you," but right at that moment, his son slipped from the tree and fell on top of him, hitting his head.

He fainted and he had a dream. He saw a young happy boy growing up into a sad old king surrounded by basketfuls of apples.

When he woke up, his son was next to him, looking worried. "Are you alright, father?" the son asked.

"Yes, yes," he said. "I was just thinking - why don't you go pick your apple and I will stay down here to catch you in case you fall?"

Angelina, a menina diferente

2011-06-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

Dia da Mulher Moçambicana

2011-04-07T02:46:00.000-07:00

Today is Mozambican Woman's Day, a National holiday. It is attributed to the death of Josina Machel, who was the first wife of the first president of Mozambique, Samora Machel. I checked wikipedia and Josina was married to Samora only from 1969 to 1971, when she died of some disease. Then in 1977 Samora married Graça Machel, until he died in 1986 in a plane crash. People here said he was killed by his own party people (FRELIMO) and some South Africans. Graça Machel later married Nelson Mandela. She must dig presidents. I've heard of people who dig Nobel Prize winners, too. Somebody sounded a bit annoyed that Graça married her late husband's friend Nelson.

Maputo taxi drivers find new trick

2011-04-07T02:35:00.003-07:00

Today I took Alex off to the airport, and on my way back, I took one of the airport taxis, thinking that they wouldn't charge me much more than what it cost to get us there, which was 400 meticais (already up from 300 meticais since last time!). Lo and behold, when I got home, the cab driver wanted 600 meticais, showing me a taximeter he had put in his car. "We use the taximeter now", he said. I said "I don't even have that much money on me (which was almost the truth)". "How am I going to justify it, then?" he asks me. "Does you taximeter actually prints out a receipt?" I ask him (otherwise, justify to whom?). "No, but if you need a receipt I can write you one," he answers.
"Look," I said, "it cost me 400 meticais to get to the airport. I don't have 600 on me. Here's 500."
He took the 500 and was fine with it.
For all those people who think taxis in Mozambique run on taximeters, it's a lie. I'm sure the taxis at the airport just decided to add that little gadget, with a rate they've decided, so that the price they quote looks more "official". Man!

Looking for an apartment

2011-04-05T15:48:00.000-07:00

Recently we had to move out of the current apartment we are staying because the owner's son wants to sell it. He's asking for at least USD 270,000 for a three bedroom, two bathroom, on the 6th floor of a building in Julius Nuyere, one of the streets that has more foreigners walking around. The building looks like it was built at least 30 or 40 years ago, and the elevators are in the condition shown in the blog entry http://viagensdairis.blogspot.com/2010/01/same-famous-elevator.html
Anyway, here is a summary of things that I've learned after talking to 3 to 4 real estate agents:
1. owners would like to avoid renting it to Chinese people who work in the construction projects here, because Chinese are known to ruin the houses. Apparently one Chinese person first rents it, but then sublets or keeps adding people to the house/apartment, so that a place that was supposed to have a family of 3 will be housing at least 10 Chinese people, all construction workers. Imagine how the bathroom would look like. Plus how would people divide a 3-bedroom among 10 people.
2. the prices of apartment rentals have gone up a lot, especially if you are a foreigner. A flat that used to cost 1,500 USD three years ago would be costing 2,500 USD now. For that price one can live pretty much anywhere in the world, from Manhattan to Barcelona to São Paulo, all places nicer than Maputo.
3. all the real estate agents know each other. At some point three different agents tried to show me the same house. I don't know how their commission system works, but they said they need to be connected to each other because sometimes one agent has the client and another agent has the ideal house this client wants. Makes sense.
One particular real estate agent deserves a special blog entry about him. He's called Miguel and I will write about him later.
Here are the cartoons I drew about the house-hunting experience. The house-hunt is paused until I come back to Maputo end of May.

Haivanasia ou Havaianas?

2011-03-23T05:21:00.000-07:00

Depois de usar minhas Havaianas (originais, compradas no Brasil por uns R$27 ou R$30) por 2 meses, o chinelo direito arrebentou e portanto tive que comprar novos aqui em Maputo mesmo. Na rua, encontrei por 75 meticais (nem quis baixar o preço com o vendedor, com certeza era mais barato), um pouco mais que 2 dólares, um par de Haivanasias do meu tamanho. Como isto não é produzido em Moçambique, disseram-me que vem da China..

Movies watched in February 2011

2011-03-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

127 hours, directed by Danny Boyle, same director of Slumdog Millionaire. Given that it's a movie entirely about how a guy (played by the actor who is Spiderman's roommate, son of bad Green Goblin) gets stuck between some rocks inside a National Park in Utah (maybe Moab? It's really beautiful) while doing some private trails. It could be really boring, but it isn't. It is just a bit distressing to watch him cut off his arm, but you know he's not going to die as it is based on a true story and if he did die nobody would ever find him to be able to tell the story.

The bad lieutenant (with Nicolas Cage) didn't really watch it properly, but it seemed really bad. Nicolas Cage dates Eva Mendes again, his pair in "Ghost Rider".

Dial M for Murder, by Alfred Hitchcock. After watching so many horrible pirated dvds of recent movies, I decided to watch a classic for a change. Even though my dvd copy was bought in Taiwan and had subtitles such as "you pretty face" instead of "you are pretty", it was worth it.

Lucky Slevin. It had Josh Hartnett, Lucy Liu, Bruce Willis and Morgan Freeman but it was still a lame movie. Josh Hartnett reminds me of a younger version of Tommy Lee Jones. I wonder whether they are related.

Casino Jack, with Kevin Spacey. Boring.

The Kids Are All Right, with Julianne Moore and Annette Bening playing a lesbian couple with teenage children that came from sperm donor played by Mark Ruffalo. The kids try to get in touch with their biological father and then Julianne Moore ends up fucking him and that gets Annette Bening really mad but they don't split up. The title's basically gives the message of the movie, which is: the kids are much more sensible and normal than the parents. The street vendor told me it was a good movie because a lot of people were asking him for it. I can't believe I fell for that salesman trick...

True Grit, by the Coen brothers. I didn't really watch it, as I couldn't understand their accent and the subtitles of pirated dvds aren't reliable.

Osama is a 2003 film made in Afghanistan by Siddiq Barmak, about a girl who needs to dress as and pretend she is a boy to get work. Then she gets dragged to a boys' school by the Taliban and when they discover she's a girl, she gets chased and sentenced to death. However, one of her good old teachers decides he wants to marry her and so she is then pardoned under the condition that she is stuck for life to this creepy old man who locks up other women/wives in his house.

Stone, with Edward Norton, Robert De Niro and Mila Jovovich. A friend of mine had told me before that Mila Jovovich was hot and this is the first time I see a movie with her. She is hot (even though not a very good actress). Edward Norton is Stone, a prisoner that needs to talk to Robert De Niro to be released from his sentence for good behavior. The first 5 minutes of the movie, however, show that the character played by de Niro is far from being goody-goody. Mila is the wife of Edward Norton and tries to help get her husband out of jail by seducing de Niro. It's another crappy movie.

The King's Speech, with Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush. Even though this movie won the Oscar, it's just ok. And being ok, it's better than a lot of the other movies. Great actors help get the movie going.

Creation, with Paul Bettany as Charles Darwin and Jennifer Connely as his wife Emma. It was ok, a bit boring. Paul Bettany was Russell Crowe's imaginary friend in "A Beautiful Mind". This time he is Darwin, and according to the movie he talks to his imaginary (deceased) daugther all the time. Charles Darwin and Emma are first cousins, and it's never a good idea for first cousins to breed.

Black Swan is being sold on the streets but I refuse to watch it. I can't stand Natalie Portman.

Movies watched in January 2011

2011-03-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

O ciúme mora ao lado (original title: Haarautuvan rakkauden talo - Finnish comedy) - it's kind of scary to realize that what Finland considers comedy, in the U.S. it would be considered drama, or at most, Woody Allen style comedy...

The tourist, with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp - for a pirated popcorn movie, it was ok. The concept of Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie being a romantic couple is kind of hard to digest.

Hereafter, directed by Clint Eastwood) - Clint Eastwood directs this movie in which three stories are intertwined: a little kid who loses his twin brother and tries to find him with all kinds of psychic help, an American (played by Matt Damon) who actually has psychic powers that allows him to speak to the dead loved ones while touching another person's hand, and a French journalist who survived tsunami out of sheer luck and almost saw "the lights". Ok to watch, not worth watching again.

What Just Happened (Fora de Controle), with Robert De Niro. Robert De Niro is a producer and this movie is supposed to be funny (with Bruce Willis playing a bearded and spoiled version of himself) but a bit scattered. I couldn't focus my attention to watch it full heartedly.

Whip it, directed by Drew Barrymore and with her playing a small role, is about a teenage girl whose mother wants her to participate in various pageant contests, while she wants to join a team of girl skaters. I couldn't figure out what kind of sport it was (two teams skate around a ring and try to beat the shit out of each other). The main actress is the same girl that did "June". Teenage movie.

Unstoppable, with Denzel Washington stopping some unstoppable train. I think it must be the 10th movie about Denzel Washington with trains... The quality of the copy I watched wasn't the best, but I doubt the movie would have been much better with a better quality copy. In terms of stopping things that don't have brakes, I think my favorite is still "Speed" (with Keanu Reeves... yeah...)

Iron man, with Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr. I didn't watch it properly.

Green Zone, with Matt Damon. A movie where Matt Damon is a soldier (or captain - he had some rank) sent to Iraq to find weapons of mass destruction but of course he can't find any so he thinks there is something wrong.

Precious, a Lee Daniels movie about a black girl who had a daughter by her own biological father and is pregnant of another child. She tries to get into a better school after one of her teachers recognize she has good math skills. It's based on a true story, I think, and it's pretty f*ed up. Not entirely a bad movie though, just a bit depressing throughout.

Just the ticket (Meu adorável sonhador) with Andy Garcia and Andie MacDowell - plain boring. I can't believe I used to have a crush on Andy Garcia. I still have a crush on Andie MacDowell though.

Note after long hiatus

2011-03-20T05:47:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated this blog as much as I wanted to, mainly because I got busy... (or lazy) in Maputo. I am currently living with my boyfriend here and working as full-time staff for the NGO I was previously volunteering for. Most of my free time is dedicated to drawing cartoons for Pigs in Maputo and Pigs Incorporated, that I diligently want to update every day. However, there are some mildly notable things that happen here that I should write about soon.

Here are two links that friends sent me that represent quite truthfully (albeit cynical) life as a foreign (ex-pat, we call ourselves, while embassy people call us NGO workers "refugees") development agency worke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mjq4-srUoz0&feature=player_embedded

Stuff Expat Aid Workers Like

Movies watched in December

2011-02-13T16:44:00.000-08:00

The social network - it was a good movie, but I am not so sure it deserved the Golden Globe for best movie. But then again, how much does the Golden Globe mean…? A film about creator of Facebook, college drop-out Mark Zuckerberg (or something like that). Notice that Bill Gates was also a college drop-out. I think once people know how to earn loads of money, there's no point in continuing college…

The next three days (72 horas) - Russell Crowe plays a faithful husband (comparative literature professor!) who tries to get his (innocent, or so he believes) wife out of the prison. She's accused of murder and got a life sentence. Nice little tricks played around his escape plan made the movie worth it.

Scott Pilgrim against the world - movie based on a comic book (I haven't seem the comic book), with leading role played by Michael Cera. The "Boom" "Bang" "Ouch" and other comic book sounds that they showed on the screen bugged me, but a friend of mine really liked it. The video-game styled fights get tiring, but the last one is nice. Michael Cera is infatuated with a colored-haired girl and needs to defeat her league of evil exes.

Carancho (Abutres) - Argentinian movie about how there are law firms that earn their money by making poor people sue companies for their accidents. One lawyer starts dating a medical doctor who works for the emergency room. The movie is ok until its last 5 minutes. Without the last five minutes, I think it would have been a better movie (in my opinion). A forced "circular" story made it lamer.

Tetro - Coppola's movie about Tetro, the son of a famous conductor who goes to Argentina and breaks contact with the rest of the family. It all revolves around the fact that the father (conductor) was a prick. Tetro's younger half-brother goes after him and discovers their family secrets. The photography is nice, and the script as well. The only reason I didn't like it that much is because I guessed part of the ending, and I like smart surprises.

Privadas nos Estados Unidos

2011-02-01T04:10:00.000-08:00

Estou momentariamente nos Estados Unidos, e observei mais um detalhe do meu assunto predileto, privadas/banheiros:
as privadas aqui são bastante altas. Eu penso que vou sentar, e quando vejo, já encostei na privada (que normalmente tem aquela tampa vazada no centro, para que o xixi de ninguém caia e molhe e faça aquela sujeira). Então reparei que a altura do assento é bem maior do que os assentos no Brasil. Não sei se é para facilitar o sentar das pessoas em cadeira de rodas, ou se é porque em média, o americano é muito mais alto que o brasileiro (e portanto tem a bunda mais alta também).
Além disso, os cubículos para banheiro nos Estados Unidos costumam ser bem grandes, porque muitos banheiros não diferenciam se são para pessoas com deficiência ou não, ou seja, tem que caber uma cadeira de roda, portanto é espaçoso.
Uma nova tecnologia na descarga permite que você tenha duas opções: se levanta a alavanca da descarga para cima, é para xixi. Para coisas maiores, aperta-se a alavanca da descarga para baixo. Algumas descargas do Brasil também já vêm com essas opções, para você economizar água e não dar aquela descarga quando só fez um xixizinho.

Only in the U.S...

2011-01-26T21:19:00.000-08:00

"for your convenience, a 20% service charge, $3 delivery charge and tax of 8% will be added automatically"
why is adding money to my bill for my convenience? so that I don't have to do the math??

Ímas de geladeira

2010-12-20T18:03:00.000-08:00

Dinosaur

2010-12-12T05:43:00.000-08:00

Gurué

2010-12-12T05:41:00.000-08:00

Semana passada estive em Gurué, e fiquei na "Casa dos Padres", um alojamento que pertence ao Centro Polivalente León Dehon. É uma região onde se produz soja já há alguns anos, e também há um pouco de plantações florestais ao redor da cidade. A gasolina, no entanto, era mais cara. Enquanto em Nampula vendia-se o litro a 41,4 meticais, em Gurué era 45 meticais.

Hotel Executivo in Nampula

2010-12-12T05:29:00.000-08:00

I was in Nampula two weeks ago and noticed that the laundry service list at the Hotel Executivo had its prices in DOLLARS. I find it a bit absurd (the prices were high, but that is normal as other hotels also charge a lot to wash your socks and underwear) that the prices are written in dollars, since in Mozambique the official currency is still the Metical. Also, it's not like they are paying the women who do laundry in dollars, either...

License plates don't respect any special format

2010-12-12T05:23:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that here in Mozambique the license plates come in a variety of fonts. There is not standard for it. Some fonts are really hard to read.
Last week I went to Gurue in the province of Zambezia and one of the field technicians had a motorcycle with a paperboard license plate.

Inspired by P

2010-12-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

O viajante e os torrões de açúcar

2010-12-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

Estava morrendo de sede. Caminhou vários quilômetros até chegar na vila mais próxima. Bateu na porta da primeira casa de cal que avistou. Abriu um senhor já velho, de barba comprida. Foi convidado a sentar-se na sala. Transmitiu a mensagem pela qual havia caminhado tanto. O senhor apenas acenou com a cabeça, não fez escândalo. Bateu as palmas chamando a filha para trazer chá ao convidado.
Uma jovem saiu da cozinha e trouxe-lhe uma bandeja com dois chás de hortelã. Ao lado da sua xícara, dois torrõezinhos de açúcar branco. Reparou que ao lado da xícara do pai não havia nada. Ficou vagamente apaixonado pela moça. Impressionante como este pequeno gesto, de dois torrões extra de açúcar, poderia ser magnificado em sua significância quando se está com sede e cansado.
As pessoas se apaixonam pelos pequenos detalhes nos momentos mais sem explicação.

Movies watched in November

2010-12-05T07:51:00.000-08:00

We are running out of options. November probably holds the record of highest number of lame movies watched in a month's time.

Kick Ass - movie based on a comic book. Has Nicholas Cage in it but it's still very good. Best movie of the month, together with Coen brothers' A Serious Man.

A Serious Man - movie by brother's Coen. Really awesome. About this regular guy - a Physics professor waiting for tenure - who is basically a nice guy but being nice doesn't necessarily pay off. Also has a random prelude that was very cool. Together with Kick Ass, is the best movie of the month.

Cop Out - Bruce Willis plays a cop with a goofy side-kick. Not funny. Reminds me of those 80 movies where you had those pairs of cops going around. It doesn't even work as a mock of those movies.

Killers (Ashton Kutcher and the cute girl from Knocked Up) - Ashton Kutcher is a spy/agent who marries with girl from Knocked Up and discovers on his birthday that suddenly a lot of people are trying to kill him. Then we discover it was his own father-in-law who set these people after him. Not worth watching. For some reason my dvd provider thought I would like it. He said it had action and it was funny. This is to teach me never to trust a salesman, even if I am a regular client.

The Last Airbender - super lame. Recommended by a friend. Maybe suitable for pre-teens. The worst part is that the movie seems to promise a few continuations (as in, it doesn't end!!!). What happened to Night Shyamalan…?!

Valentine's Day - a lot of famous actors (Ashton Kirchner, Jennifer Garner, Julia Roberts, etc), short scenes about the lives of a lot of people (somewhat intertwined) on Valentine's Day. Lame.

Eat Pray Love - movie based on the homonymous book. The cover has Julia Roberts and Javier Bardem so I was all excited about seeing Bardem but by the time he shows up the movie is almost at an end (thank goodness). The movie has no emotion nor climax whatsoever, which makes it a bit sad. I started watching both Valentine's Day and Eat Pray Love in October and only finished them in November. That should give an idea of how bad the movies are.

Predators (with Adrien Brody) - ugh. Adrien Brody is not fit for the hard-ass Bruce Willis sci-fi roles. Anyway he tries and fails.He and other mercenaries are trapped in this planet as prey. I thought this movie was better than Eat Pray Love as I watched it in one shot, but my boyfriend though otherwise. He claims at least Eat Pray Love was nicely shot, which I have to agree. The monsters in Predators weren't very cool.

Wall Street money never sleeps (with Michael Douglas and Shia LaBeouf) - meh. Shia LaBeouf marries the daughter of ex-Wall Street big man Michael Douglas (right out of prison) and stock market drops, his company shuts down, Michael Douglas wants to cheat Shia out of his wife's money to continue in the speculation game, etc etc. Same old stuff.

Unthinkable (Samuel Jackson and Carrie-Ann Moss) - cool movie where they catch a terrorist who said he made 3 nuclear bombs and planted them in 3 big American cities. Samuel Jackson plays H, an un-named kick-ass interrogator with some drastic tactics. This movie might be worth watching again, but mainly due to Samuel Jackson (Carrie-Ann Moss is not bad herself, but her role isn't as cool). Amazing what a difference good actors and good script make! (surprisingly) Third best movie of the month.

Red (Retired Extremely Dangerous - with Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, etc) - Bruce Willis is a retired agent that has a crush on a girl he only calls for his retirement checks. He then discovers someone is trying to kill him and all his old co-workers (all these famous actors). Also lame movie.

The imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus - movie by Terry Gilliam, with Heather "Joker" Ledger playing his last role. Because he died in the middle of the movie, his role was also played by Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell. It didn't make any difference because the movie was so crazy. Dr. Parnassus is an immortal who was the power to make people travel in their own imagination and conscience, and they can make good/bad choices. When they make bad choices, the Devil (with whom Parnassus keeps betting things) wins. Yeah.

Sicko, another documentary by Michael Moore, this time about he American health insurance system compared to Canada and Europe. It is interesting, but the problem about Michael Moore's movies is that he edits it in such a way that he screams his opinion to the public at all times. He even takes a group of people to get treated in Cuba, and of course they get great service.

The American, with George Clooney - George Clooney in France, hired to kill someone, gets involved with some cute chick, gets shot by his own boss, etc. The ending was rather interesting. Slow movie, and I watched it without concentration.

Takers - a mix between Italian Job and Ocean's Eleven, except most of the crew is black and the movie itself isn't as good. One guy comes out of prison with an irresistible job for the group who used to be his partners. Then things get a bit screwed up, etc. It didn't help that my copy of the movie sucked and stopped again a few minutes before the end of the movie (not that it mattered much). Oh yeah Matt Dillon plays and earnest cop (haven't seen him around in a while).

Notorius, by Alfred Hitchcock. Movie with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman in which her father was condemned for some crime and Cary Grant, as a cop, invites her to become an American spy to discover things about a German who used to be her father's friend. The interesting thing is that her spy work happens in Rio, where she is married to the German. Eventually the German and his mother discover she is an agent and try to slowly poison her until Cary Grant comes to her rescue. Ok, I gave away the plot but it really wasn't one of Hitchcock's best. Some nice camera play, though.

More on new format

2010-11-23T14:21:00.000-08:00

Hollywood actors

2010-11-19T10:50:00.000-08:00

Outro blog de brasileira em Moçambique!

2010-11-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

Encontrei hoje um blog de uma brasileira que também está em Moçambique, Mosanblog, e é muito bom, com detalhes como endereços dos princpipais mercados e supermercados em Maputo, entre outras coisas.
O Sr. Wilson que trabalha na Embaixada do Brasil respondendo aos serviços de renovação de passaporte, carteirinha da embaixada, etc, comentou que há uns 3.000 brasileiros em Moçambique. Eu acho que são mais. Volta e meia trombamos com um, sem contar o monte de brasileiros que devem estar vindo por conta da Vale em Tete.

2010-11-14T13:24:00.000-08:00

The fairy godmother should know better

2010-11-14T13:17:00.000-08:00

Current Travel Warnings (for American citizens only...?)

2010-11-10T02:41:00.000-08:00

In September, when we were trying to bring a well-known international consultant for work in Mozambique, he kindly refused traveling here due to the travel warning posted by the U.S. State department about the safety of Mozambique (it was right when there were those street riots, unfortunately). I then discovered this page:
http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/tw/tw_1764.html
which I didn't know existed.
Surprisingly, there was a warning about Afghanistan posted only August 2010! What, so Afghanistan was safe before that? And Kenya was less safe than Afghanistan and Pakistan? Now Mexico is also not safe? Iraq was considered safe until 5 days ago? This is so crazy...

Paperwork to get entry visa in Kenya

2010-11-07T01:51:00.000-07:00

One can get an entry visa to Kenya at the border. The fee is $25 for a tourist one-time entry. The interesting thing was that, in the forms, one needs to fill out the father's name if single. Below are the papers I had to fill out for the visa application.

Movies watched in October

2010-11-07T01:43:00.000-07:00

Inception - Chris Nolan's newest movie starring Leonardo Di Caprio. Maybe it was due to my bad (pirated) copy, but really it wasn't that interesting. It is to the movie's credit that it kept the suspense and tension going on throughout the entire movie. It felt a lot like the recent Scorcese movies with DiCaprio. The plot basically tells a group of people that are able to change and shift people's dreams to plant seed ideas in people's subconscious minds, but it leverages a lot the idea of dreaming that you are dreaming that you are dreaming, etc.

Letters to Juliet - sappy movie about this girl that goes on a trip with her boyfriend and decides to answer one of the letters people write to Juliet (from Romeo and Juliet - why would people write letters to a fake Shakespeare person I don't get) that has been left there for more than 50 years. This old lady that's widowed shows up with her grandson and decides to seek her 18-year old sweetheart again. They take the girl who answered the letter in their trip with them and of course luckily the old 18-year old farm boy is now also widowed and still loves the now old lady and her grandson falls in love with the main heroine of the movie. In afterthought, given the other sappy movies that I had to watch later (Valentine's Day, Knight and Day, Eat Pray Love, etc), this one was actually not so bad.

Everybody's Fine - movie with some good actors (for example, Robert De Niro and Drew Barrymore) but terribly boring. De Niro's old job was to wrap the telephone wire cables, and that's why throughout the entire movie they keep showing telephone wires. His wife had recently died and none of his kids show up for his family gathering because one of his sons has disappeared in Mexico and none of the other kids want to tell him. So he decides to surprise visit all of them while keeping an eye on all the telephone wires he sees on his way and talking to strangers on the trains. Later on he discovers that all his kids lie to him and he has a little heart attack and manages to get all his kids to visit him at the hospital and then later on everybody is around for Christmas again and all is fine and Drew Barrymore brings her girlfriend because she has to play the role of the cooler, funkier daughter, as always (while Kate Beckinsale plays the more proper one). Sam Rockwell plays a musician son as well, and I found interesting the fact that Drew Barrymore and Sam Rockwell were in Charlie's Angels together (thank you IMDB!)

Machete- A Robert Rodriguez movie that was awesome. The first 5 minutes are quite gory, Kill Bill 1 style, with flying chopped heads and limbs. It tells the story of Machete, a Mexican cop that went to United States as an illegal immigrant and gets hired to kill a Senator (played by Robert De Niro). The rest of the movie is all about watching ugly Machete kick some asses, kiss the cute girls, and some other funny scenes. Lindsay Lohan plays a part of a young daughter that wants to become a porn actress in the internet (or something like that). It was the only movie of this month's batch that was worth watching again.

Random

2010-11-07T01:02:00.000-07:00

Observações no campo

2010-11-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

Mês passado fui ao campo em Nampula entrevistar alguns produtores familiares com um colega de trabalho, e estas tirinhas saíram das entrevistas.

This might even be a compliment for some people I know...!

2010-10-20T00:41:00.000-07:00

Another birthday card

2010-10-19T00:12:00.000-07:00

Children malnutrition (stunting)

2010-10-13T04:20:00.001-07:00

So I complained before that I thought Mozambican men weren't as good looking because most of them were short. Sorry about that. It is mainly due to malnutrition... as seen from the picture below that I downloaded from Wikipedia.
However, why would I think Ivory Coast men were taller, since that country also has stunting issues? Possibly because the Ivory Coast men who get to visit Mozambique are well educated and probably came from wealthier family and didn't suffer malnutrition. If I go to Ivory Coast, I might find locals short and the Mozambicans there tall... sigh

Box of goodies

2010-10-05T23:28:00.000-07:00

Picture I took of the belongings a farmer in Nampula had. The comic book was about HIV prevention. After they saw me taking the picture of their box, I think they moved it back inside the house... :-/

Pictures from Barcelona

2010-10-05T13:18:00.001-07:00

I went to Barcelona for two weeks in early September, and here are some of the pictures I took while there. For my general impressions about Barcelona, see cartoons under Pigs in Barcelona.

Miró Foundation

Little Catalan demonstration on September 11th...

Random from the streets

From Gaudí's park

The only street without any doors (or so they say)

This was literally the coolest thing from MACBA (Museum of Contemporary Art of Barcelona) - the door to the bathroom

A pen that can write 4 kilometers!

Foods and drinks

Orxata! My favorite drink!

Mother and child

2010-10-05T03:16:00.001-07:00

Polygamy and Infidelity

2010-10-05T01:46:00.000-07:00

Recently I had a conversation with two locals about their wives and infidelity. Whether they had more than one wife, etc. One of them has kept the same wife for the past 22 years, and has two children with her. The other one has a fiancée and two smaller children with her. They both said they were "casados quando em casa", meaning they were "married when at home". Instead of transcribing our conversation, below are the cartoons that pretty much summarize what they told me.

Also, since these men were such womanizers, they couldn't understand the idea of men liking men. But they could accept some women liking women, because "women are so good". There is also some sexual tourism going on - male tourists who come to Ilha de Moçambique, for example, and pay for young men to have sex with them (it wasn't very shocking as it happens also in Rio de Janeiro and pretty much all other tourist places...).

Movies watched in July, August and September

2010-10-03T06:19:00.000-07:00

Movies watched in July

Toy Story 3 - Andy grows up now (and the amount of years is correct since Toy Story 2) and goes to college. He needs to find a good home for his toys. Again a great script. I only wish my (pirated) copy had been better. But I will get an original copy of this movie, it's worth it.

Shutter Island - A Scorcese movie with Leonardo Di Caprio playing a detective who is investigating an island where criminals with psychological problems are treated/confined. Soon he starts noticing he might be a problem as well. Nice ending. I liked it, even though I was creeped out and tense throughout the movie and had to stop watching a few times to get my breathing back to normal.

Brothers - Toby McGuire and Jake Gyllenhal (I never know how to write his name) play brothers. Toby is the brother who is always the hero and works for the army and is married to Natalie Portman (always a good looking bad actress since "The Professional", her best role…). Somehow he gets sent to Afghanistan and had to kill the partner he saved previously by order of the Afghans and he comes back a messed up man. The fact that Jake and Natalie exchanged kisses doesn't help. Jake plays the good for nothing brother. It's a bit of a pointless lame movie and it doesn't really explore the relationship about the brothers as much as one might think (given the title), and the final message seems to say that people get screwed up with their war experiences (that's not news…).

Alice in Wonderland - my copy turned black and white in random scenes, but it didn't matter much. Though I think Johnny Depp is cool, I didn't think much of the movie. Maybe it's better to watch it in 3D. Alan Rickman is still cool, doing only the voice of the blue butterfly-worm.

Wilbur wants to kill himself - a slow comedy (?) about this guy who keeps wanting to kill himself but always gets saved by his older brother, who runs a bookshop with him. His older brother is super nice and eventually finds a girl to marry but somehow loses his life to cancer and this brother who never liked anything ends up taking his place with bookshop, wife and stepdaughter. It doesn't seem fair to the brother who dies.

Matchpoint - a Woody Allen movie about a tennis teacher who gets involved with a woman from a rich family and after that does everything to keep his lifestyle even though he doesn't like the wife *that* much. It has a very nice cynical ending, I just wished the actors were better (Scarlett Johansen and the Irish Jonathan Rhys Meyers)

Freedom writers - movie with Hillary Swank playing a dedicated English teacher in an integrated school. Her class has one white kid, some black, asian and hispanic students, most of which know friends who got killed or were in jail. I liked it.

Movies watched in August

Eclipse (Twilight series 3) - no comments. This series is one my guilty pleasures. Just because I have a crush on vampires.

Shrek Forever After (Shrek 4) - another Shrek movie in which Shrek regrets getting married and having 3 kids and wants his original life back. He makes a deal with Rumpelstilstkin and gets into a mess. Amazingly nice script.

From Paris with Love - movie about an unexperienced agent (played by cute looking but very bad Irish actor Jonathan something Meyers - the same one who played soccer coach in "Bend it like Beckham") who meets experienced agent (played by John Travolta, who saves the movie, which is otherwise bad). There is not much of a plot, just lots of action, and great lines delivered by Travolta.

Ghost Writer - movie with Ewan McGregor and Pierce Brosnan, in which Pierce plays a former British Prime Minister and Ewan is the ghost writer of his memoirs. The movie manages to keep a mood of suspense. Made me think about all the people who like to read the biographies of famous statesmen, such as Obama, Clinton, etc. I always found those books boring and kept far away from them.

Wall-E - animation I saw on my airplane to Barcelona. My friends kept telling me it was awesome and really cute, but I almost passed out watching that, as there was no dialogue, just cute noises made by robots and eventually some minor dialogue when humans showed up.

Movies watched in September

You will meet a Tall Black Stranger - a Woody Allen movie that starts from nowhere and ends nowhere. Another one of those Woody Allen movies that basically portray people's daily (fucked up) lives and neuroses.

London River - a movie about a British mother and a Nigerian (?) father who go to London to find their children, that appear to be lost since terrorist bombs in July 2005 (not sure I remember the dates right). It's a sad and slow movie, but kind of good. The actress is the one that plays Mozart's mother-in-law and also the mother who gave her black child away in "Secrets and lies" (she's got a somewhat annoying voice but she is really good actress).

Sunshine Cleaning - from the same people who made "Little Miss Sunshine" this is a rather depressing but funny and cool movie about a former cheerleader that becomes a cleaning lady. Then she decides to quit her job and open a service with her younger sister that cleans up crime scenes (all the blood and gory). Really nice script. I wish I have thought of writing about that kind of job.

Karate kid (new version with Jackie Chan and Will Smith's son) - I saw this on the airplane. As far as plane movies go, it was ok...

My neighbor, my killer - a documentary movie made by Anne Aghion, this French-American woman. We saw it as a group during Dockanema in Maputo (it's a documentary festival organized by Mr. Pedro Pimenta from Ebano films every year in Maputo around September). The documentary is about the Gacaca trials in Rwanda. These Gacaca are trials in which neighbors are witnesses, neighbors are accused, and neighbors are judges, to determine the penalty for people who participated in the genocide of Hutus killing Tutsis. 75% of the Tutsi population was killed during those 100 days of genocide because government were giving out cash prizes for Tutsi killed. The movie revolves more about one or two particular trials, that seem related to killings that happened because of a brother who killer his sister's husband (because of inter-marriage between a female Hutu to a male Tutsi or something like that). If your married a male Tutsi, you get to see your husband and children (50% Tutsi) get slaughtered, but they would keep you alive because you were Hutu. So there were all these sad sad women who saw their entire families get killed and then saw their killers come out of prison and come back to be their neighbors. This movie is not really a good choice for a Friday night date, though we watched it on a Friday night. More under http://www.gacacafilms.com/

Art school confidential - a cool movie that I've never heard about, telling the troubles of an art student. It was awesome and it does show how sometimes we feel all that art theory is pure crap.

Knight and Day - 007-spoof movie with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. I wanted to watch this movie so badly because all the pirated dvd salesmen on the streets of Maputo were selling this but I knew it wasn't going to be a good movie even before watching it. I don't know why I still think Tom Cruise is gay.

Ex-presidente Joaquim Chissano

2010-09-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

Hoje eu acho que apertei a mão do ex-presidente de Moçambique, Joaquim Chissano. Estávamos no Centro de Conferência Joaquim Chissano por conta da conferência do caju da ACA (African Cashew Alliance), mas eu não acho que ele estava lá porque o centro de conferência leva o seu nome... Acho que é a primeira vez que eu aperto a mão de algum presidente ou ex, embora eu tenha um amigo cujos pais são quase íntimos de FHC. O Sr. Chissano tem dois narizes e um olho como todo mundo. Digo, um nariz e dois olhos. Pareceu simpático. Eu empolgada, fui ver se era a foto dele que está em todas as notas de meticais, e depois vi que não. No metical vai a foto do primeiro presidente, Samora Machel.

De volta a Maputo

2010-09-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

Este link é um artigo sobre como o governo parece ter mandado as duas empresas de telefonia celular desligarem seus serviços de mensagem de texto por algum tempo na semana retrasada. Isto porque dias 1 e 2 de setembro houve revolta popular nas ruas de Maputo (um pouco parecido com o dia em que o PCC de São Paulo se revoltou em 2006) e parece que a revolta foi organizada via mensagens SMS.
Voltei a Maputo ontem, e tudo parece ter voltado ao normal. Aparentemente, o governo resolveu baixar novamente o preço do pão ou algo assim. Eu não sabia que o preço do pão era regulado aqui.

Happy Birthday, M!

2010-08-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Ramadan experiment

2010-08-28T07:08:00.001-07:00

As some of you may know, Ramadan 2010 started sunset of August 10 and ends 30 days later, on September 9th. I've decided, since I was in Mozambique and there are a lot of muslims here, to fast as well. I started fasting from sunrise to sunset, until I realized the sun was setting a little bit later everyday, and so I decided to fast until 5.30pm everyday. For the first three days, I was thinking about food all the time and could hear co-workers biting on apples 5 meters away from my desk. After that, one gets used to it. Only some hotter days were a bit more painful, as I would get thirsty and couldn't drink water until breaking fast time. I also learned certain things. For example, here they teach children early on how to fast, but kids fast half a day. Only when they are big enough they start fasting all day. Apparently, after Eid (the day Ramadan ends), there are additional 6 days for people who want to continue fasting. Especially women, who seem to need to fast 6 more days to compensate for the days they had their menstrual cycle (those days don't seem to count, because they weren't clean). Days when one is sick or traveling one is also allowed to eat. I also learned that people eat a lot of fried stuff and sweets to break their fast, and it is not uncommon for people to gain weight instead during Ramadan (I myself was breaking fast with chocolate bars and bags of potato chips).
Below are all the cartoons I made inspired by the Ramadan event.

Revenge

2010-08-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

Como o primeiro fax

2010-08-16T21:26:00.000-07:00

Conseguia ver ainda a luz. Não trombava nas coisas, porque para ele o mundo não havia ficado escuro. Enquanto todas as pessoas pareciam cegas à sua volta, enxergava. Mas como convencê-las disso? Ninguém acreditava no que dizia, porque ninguém mais via. Sentiu-se solitário, como o primeiro fax inventado.

Grupo de tufo Estrela Vermelha na Ilha de Moçambique

2010-08-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

O tufo é uma dança tradicional ao norte de Moçambique, onde estas senhoras escrevem suas músicas (muitas vezes no original em árabe) e dançam sentadas. Este vídeo foi feito durante nosso fim de semana na Ilha, que coincidiu com vários casamentos (pré-Ramadan. Ramadan começou no fim da tarde de terça-feira, dia 10 de agosto, então até o dia 09, segunda-feira, os casais ainda estavam se apressando para casarem-se, pois durante o Ramadan é permitido o sexo somente aos casais casados, e mesmo assim após a execução de certos rituais religiosos). O grupo de tufo Estrela Vermelha foi chamado para se apresentar aos convidados, e eu e Tricia ficamos sentada perto, assistindo. Causamos uma pequena comoção no grupo de crianças, por sermos gringas e termos máquinas fotográficas (veja foto acima).

Great AIDS propaganda...

2010-08-09T23:36:00.000-07:00

Eu gosto desta propaganda porque parece chamada de show de pagode no Brasil. "Homem responsável faz teste de HIV", não sei se quer dizer que o cara do laboratório de testagem de sangue é responsável, ou se é quem está sendo testado...

Places for sex

2010-08-05T23:23:00.000-07:00

Lies are like farts

2010-08-03T02:22:00.000-07:00

Lies are like farts: the silent ones are the worst.

Why sex scenes are more common than toilet scenes

2010-08-03T02:21:00.000-07:00

"Why do you only write about the worst experiences in your life?" she asked me.
"Because it's more popular. No one is interested in commonplace stuff. It's the same reason why they don't show people going to the bathroom in the movies. If someone goes to the bathroom, you know they are either going to get shot, or the toilet is going to explode while they are crapping."
"What about sex? There are a lot of sex scenes in the movies."
"That's because sex is actually not a commonplace event for most people."

Average laundry prices at a hotel in Mozambique

2010-07-31T06:48:00.000-07:00

This list in particular was taken from VIP INN BEIRA, a hotel in the city of Beira, the second largest city in Mozambique, in the Center Region. Other hotels I've seen in the country have similar prices. Remember that the conversion rate is around 1 USD = 35 MZN now.

?

2010-07-31T04:19:00.000-07:00

Is it better to live
a happy illusion
or a sad truth?

How to know you are in love

2010-07-31T02:09:00.000-07:00

Advantages of polygamy

2010-07-30T02:08:00.000-07:00

"Why do you want to marry a muslim or mormon," her friend asked her.
"If he has more than one wife, then I won't feel so responsible for his unhappiness," she answered.

Sexual stories (sort of)

2010-07-30T02:03:00.000-07:00

1. She was paid well to suck, to fuck, to dress up as a schoolgirl and remove her clothes, to talk to old men late at night who couldn't get their penises up. She was gorgeous, she was successful. She never ran out of clients. It was the life she chose and she didn't regret it. "It is better than becoming a high school geography teacher," she thought. Once in a while she would take a night off, and go to the nearby swing club - a place where couples switch partners around but unaccompanied women were welcome to join. She would see these ugly men desperately jerking off against the walls while watching others, and she would offer herself to them. For free. Most of the times she felt a mixture of pity and disgust. But she kept going back, going back. "It is my social work," she told herself.

2. Many times after the man had gone home, she would not wash herself immediately. She would stick her finger in, where the man had been, and smell herself from the tip of her finger. Most of the times it smelled vaguely of detergent or rotten fish. "I don't get why men like the taste of this," she wondered.

3. She didn't know when or how he orgasmed, but she knew exactly how many termite holes the ceiling had.

4. She loved the smell of his sweat against her body. Especially the spot on his chest, closer to his left arm. One day she saw him without his shirt, hugging another man at the park. That was when she realized the smell she loved so much was really the smell of his lover.

5. What bothered her the most wasn't the fact that she lost her virginity and that if her father or brother ever discovered, she would be locked up in a room until she died of hunger and thirst. What bothered her was the death of her dreams of sex as a pleasurable thing.

6. "How is it that you'd rather date her, when she is such a prude? Don't tell me you don't miss the wild sex we used to have."
"I do miss the wild sex we used to have, but the way you were willing to try everything made me feel like I was dating a whore."
(After that, she refused oral or anal sex, online or phone sex, doggy style and any other variation from missionary style, to the desperation of her later boyfriends - sometimes one guy ruins it for everybody else)

7. He arranged women for her to love. So that he could watch and masturbate while watching. These girls were usually college students that worked as professionals. She obliged because she was often bored, and because he paid for it, and he paid for other things as well. One day she was feeling a bit more insecure than usual, and was afraid he might leave her for one of the other girls. "Why do you like to see me with others," she finally asked him. "There is a tenderness in you, that I love but never see, when you fuck another woman," he told her.

Addiction to wedding cakes

2010-07-30T02:02:00.000-07:00

Everybody thought the man got married 11 times because he was addicted to wedding cakes. Only he knew he was really addicted in biting his sugar miniature bride's and groom's heads off.

Keeping Faith

2010-07-30T02:01:00.000-07:00

"It's great that you believe in God, but the more important question is, does God believe in you?"

Restaurant stories

2010-07-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

1. After seeing this regular couple that never spoke to each other, the waiter couldn't resist and finally asked them why they didn't talk at all during their dinners. "We come here to run an eavesdropping competition," the couple replied, smiling.

2. Every time she went to the expensive Italian restaurant, she had to go to the bathroom and masturbate for 15 minutes. "The red bow tie the waiters wear turns me on," she confessed to a friend.
When she got fired and couldn't afford eating out anymore, she went to Chinatown and got herself a pack of 10 red bow ties. "I should have done this years ago," she thought.

3. She didn't hide that she was a mystery shopper at the restaurants she went, because those were the only times she was actually treated well.

4. He would continue to eat at some dingy places that cost less than 5 dollars a meal to remember always why he didn't want to continue his family's small restaurant business.

5. She would go back to that restaurant every Friday night after they broke up because she knew it was his favorite Friday night hang out place. Once he took a new girlfriend but saw her there and never showed up again. She felt happy that she was finally taking away one of his enjoyments. She didn't know the owners opened another restaurant, identical, across town. He did.

Little inconsistencies that are frequently observed

2010-07-30T01:58:00.000-07:00

1. People who borrow things from others don't like to lend their things
2. People who earn a lot of money don't like to give big tips
3. People who are afraid of being judged are the first to judge people
4. People who hate getting crap from their bosses usually give crap to their subordinates
5. People who forget how much money they owe others tend to remember every penny others owe them
6. People who fuck badly think they are great sexual partners
7. People who always fuck up like to blame others for their misery
8. People who blame others for their misery make other people miserable
9. People who are highly intelligent always think they are too dumb
10. People who cheat don't like to be cheated on
Note: the rule "don't do to others what you don't want done upon thyself" is rarely observed

Dark(er) side stories

2010-07-30T01:56:00.000-07:00

1. I made a tattoo of an Egyptian cross - an ankh - at the back of my neck because the symbol means "eternal life" or life and death are never-ending cycles. The logic was that, when I died, and was hanging by the claws of a demon at the gates of Hell, he might see this tattoo at the back of my neck and give me a little discount. Let me go to the rebirth section or something.

2. I used to have a friend who studied animal epidemiology. He could concoct new generation germs in his lab. I asked him how much he would charge to create a disease that would kill all the small dogs - like chihuahuas, yorkshire terriers, small poodles. While he was considering, he asked me why I wished to get rid of these small dogs, and I said it was because they were always so hysterical and annoying. He told me that these dogs were usually the companion of old people, and I would make all of them sad if I were to kill their pets. "Fuck old people," I told him. He never told me how much he would charge for the research I wanted, but I don't think I would have had the money to pay him anyway.

3. There was a very religious Muslim I knew who loved to eat. He didn't eat pork, of course. But I would give him Chinese medicinal candy that he loved to gobble down, thinking they were energy boosters. He didn't know that they were made of pork, they put so much spice in those things. I never told him. I am saving it for a day when he really pisses me off.

4. I don't like people who keep saying they want to kill themselves. I think they are trying to attract a lot of attention. When I manage to get invited to their houses, I always manage to leave something with sharp ends behind - usually a knife or a scissor - to see whether they would really do what they claim. As an emergency hotline advisor, I was trained that one of the things suicides most need is to take control. I try to give them back control of their death.

5. In the summers I used to house sit for an old couple during their vacation. They were in their mid-70s and the old man suffered from a mild case of Alzheimer. I would misplace his things around the house so that when they got back, the wife would be upset with the husband, who wouldn't be able to find his own socks and pills. Year after year she would increase his medication, and eventually he was put into an old people's house. When I visited him, he seemed pretty clear headed. "That lying bitch, she set me up," he would call his wife of many years.

6. Many friends of mine have children around the age of 2. They've learned how to talk, but are not great talkers. When the parents are getting dinner ready and I am alone with the kids, I ask them whether they want to share in a little secret. They usually do. I tell them that they were adopted, but ask them not to let their parents know they know this because then they would have to be returned to the orphanage where they came from and they would have to eat cold porridge for the rest of their lives. The kids are never the same after hearing that - I find it more rewarding than touching them, and it is totally legal.
6b. Once a (smarter) kid told me, "But I look exactly like mommy! I can't be adopted!" "Yes," I told him. "But who said you are daddy's son? You see Uncle Jimmy there? He is your real daddy. Why do you think he likes you so much? If your daddy knows about it, oh you are in big trouble!"

7. Once I got into a new hotel room and saw that there was a condom and its wrapper inside the toilet. I couldn't flush the toilet because I didn't want to clog the vase but I also didn't think it was my job to fish the condom out of the water. I peed in the bathtub and at some point I considered taking a dump there, too, as a sign of protest to the hotel management.

The man with the nervous tick

2010-07-30T01:55:00.000-07:00

Everybody who knew Massimo knew of his nervous tick. He has been ticking since he could remember. His tick consisted of a peculiar way of stretching his neck that looked as if the devil himself was popping his head out and putting another one in. It lasted less than a second each time, but he would repeat the tick at least three times. Those friends who were closer to him say that he started ticking when he was about 6, when at school he was wrongly accused of stealing a classmate's ball. He would tick during important meetings with CEOs, but his general professional competence made people overlook this small irregularity about his personality. Massimo's wife married him even though he ticked exactly 37 times during their wedding ceremony (that lasted only half an hour in the church, making an average of more than one tick per minute). His two daughters called him Daddy Tickman (which particularly displeased Massimo as he always heard them call him Daddy Dickman). Massimo also ticked during sex. But his wife always knew when he was about to come. "You suddenly stop ticking," she told him when he asked.

Coffee shop meeting

2010-07-30T01:51:00.000-07:00

They were small talking at their favorite coffee shop. It was their favorite coffee shop back then, when they were students. The coffee here is terrible, Mark said. They must have changed the owners since then, Anna commented. Or maybe we were just too cheap to know any better, added Mark. They both giggled. I feel like a teenage again, thought Mark. Why does she always make me feel so immature. He then looked up at her, and saw that Anna was almost crying. What happened? he asked, and touched her hand. He noticed she didn't take her hand away. She whispered, that time when I went to study in France for a quarter… did you cheat on me with Kristina? No, he said, a bit too firmly. Anna took her hand off the table and looked away. Why do you lie to me after so many years, she asked. What difference is it going to make now? I lie to protect myself, Mark thought but did not say. I don't want to think of myself as an idiot.
Mark was quiet for the rest of the meeting, except when Anna said It was nice seeing you again, to which he responded, Keep in touch. He did mean it this time.
It was already dusk when he finished his drink. The coffee had gone soggy, and Mark realized then why he liked this shop's coffee - it was so bad that it couldn't get much worse, even when it was cold.

The father and the daughter

2010-07-30T01:49:00.000-07:00

Do you remember when you were a kid, the father started. Yes, I was about 3 or 4, Joanna said. She already knew where this story was going. Yes, about that age, the father remarked, absentmindedly. Your mother was away on a business trip and it was a hot summer day, he said. Joanna drew the curtains and started tucking the sheets under her father's bed. These nurses are so careless, she thought. You were crying because you couldn't find your favorite doll, the father continued, and you wouldn't go to sleep. I remember, Joanna said. And then I screamed at you and told you to stop being a baby and closed the door and did not even leave the night light on, the father said. Yes. I remember. Joanna said. We found the doll in the refrigerator the next day. I had forgotten I had left her in there to cool her from the heat. Joanna added an extra pillow under her father's head. He was breathing heavily.
She was leaving when she heard - I am sorry I was so harsh on you back then, little one. When she turned around she found him asleep and already snoring.
Joanna closed the door to his room carefully without making a sound and went for the parking lot. She asked the nurse at the reception desk to leave a glass of water next to his bed in the morning.
Why do they always apologize when you want to continue hating them, she thought, while she turned the key to start the car.

Random language skill

2010-07-15T10:18:00.000-07:00

Arrangement with no strings attached

2010-07-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

They both knew she didn't really work as a hooker, but that was the only way they could pretend they had a relationship with no strings attached. Every Friday they would meet at the same bar table, and go out to a motel. If by chance he did not have enough money for her, they would not have sex and he would go home. Even though they both knew she would have spent time with him for free. Every Friday she would shave herself, even though she knew that, at their age, her legs and body were really not what mattered to him. The only thing that sometimes she regretted was that their arrangement did not allow them to have children. The only thing that worried him at times was that he might accidentally die alone, at home, without her next to him.

Revistinha da gripe aviária

2010-07-12T11:02:00.000-07:00

Scam email received today from Mozambique contact

2010-07-12T07:12:00.001-07:00

I Hope you get this on time,sorry I didn't inform you about my trip in Cyprus for a program,I'm presently in Nicosia and am having some difficulties here because i misplaced my wallet on my way to the hotel where my money and other valuable things were kept.I want you to assist me with a loan of 1800Euro to sort-out my hotel bills and to get myself back home.I have spoken to the embassy here but they are not responding to the matter effectively,I will appreciate whatever you can afford to assist me with,I'll Refund the money back to you as soon as i return, let me know if you can be of any help. I don't have a phone where i can be reached. Please let me know immediately.

Thanks

The poor octopus

2010-07-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

Pig HIV

2010-07-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

Superação

2010-07-07T14:54:00.000-07:00

Queria muito superar a dor. Ultrapassá-la, conquistá-la, transcendê-la. Pedia sempre que reduzissem a anestesia nos seus tratamentos de canal. Achava o escritório do dentista o lugar ideal para se aprimorar. A quantidade de anestesia utilizada era cada vez menor e a dor que conseguia suportar, cada vez maior. Já não trincava os dentes à noite quando dormia na cama de espinhos. Ou quando o gato pulava em cima dele, ainda deitado na cama de espinhos.
Um dia, no entanto, não sentiu mais dores. Nenhuma anestesia havia sido aplicada. O dentista obturava e nada do nervo doer. Finalmente consegui o que queria, pensou. Superei a dor. Estava em júbilo.
Só não havia se dado conta de que já tinha morrido.

O pescoço da memória

2010-07-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

Ele tinha uma pequena pinta na parte de trás do pescoço que, um belo dia, virou um nódulo. De nódulo foi crescendo, crescendo, e virou um tumor. Parecia que levava um caqui-maça no pescoço. Não conseguia colocar gravatas direito, e foi ao médico. Não era um tumor maligno, mas, como incomodava, decidiu tirar. Marcaram a data da cirurgia de remoção. Uma pequena incisão na epiderme e o tumor já era. Quando acordou da anestesia, não conseguia se lembrar do seu nome, nem de onde morava ou no que trabalhava. Os registros do hospital tinham o seu endereço, e foi assim que voltou para casa. A memória nunca voltou, mas conseguiu se ajustar novamente à vida.
Um dia, no entanto, reparou numa pinta na parte de trás do pescoço. A pinta, num belo dia, virou um nódulo. De nódulo foi crescendo até virar um tumor. Quando foi ao médico, este o reconheceu. Depois de analisar o tumor, disse Não é maligno o tumor, tem certeza de que quer tirá-lo? O homem disse que sim. O médico confidenciou-lhe de que desconfiava que o tumor estava directamente relacionado à sua memória. O homem não acreditava. Prove-me isso, doutor. O doutor mostrou-lhe os registros do hospital, que mostravam que cinco meses atrás havia feito a mesma cirurgia, e havia acordado com perda de memória. O homem ficou abalado, mas o aperto na hora de pôr a gravata incomodou-o mais do que a memória dos cinco meses passados. Pode tirar, doutor.
O médico fez como ele pediu. Mas, como sabia que tinha perdido a memória, também aproveitou para cobrar o dobro do que tinha cobrado antes pela consulta.

Namoro entre China e Moçambique

2010-07-04T00:03:00.000-07:00

Videos de "andar fora é maningue arriscado!"

2010-07-03T23:26:00.000-07:00

Seguem agora videos que passam na TV, parte da campanha "Andar fora é maningue arriscado!"

Instruções de como colocar camisinha 2

2010-07-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

Para aqueles que lembram do post anterior, preciso informar-lhes que as instruções de como colocar camisinha mudaram ligeiramente! Ontem comprei uma caixa de "camisinhas de camuflagem" (10 meticais para 3 camisinhas) e, para meu espanto, as instruções são diferentes! Agora, ao invés de conversar com a sua parceira, você deve checar a data de validade da camisinha antes!
Aliás, comprei as camisinhas porque o fato de serem "de camuflagem" me deixaram curiosa. Será que é para usar quando se transa escondido? E a embalagem interna, com o losango, será que representa uma vagina camuflada?

Inácio who offered to be my boyfriend

2010-07-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

I spent all of last Saturday in Tofo, and there one boy approached me trying to sell capulana bags. I told him I already had one (and pointed to my bag) and he said that I had Maputo bags, but not the special bag from Inhambane. Because he was wearing a funny shell on top of his head, after a while I told him "Look, I am not going to buy any bags, but I will pay you 20 meticais if you let me take a picture of you, because you look funny in that thing." He said "Make it 50." I said "No, why should I pay you 50 to take a picture of you?". Then he said "Well, make it at least 10 more" I said "Look here, I wasn't going to do anything. I don't need a picture of you. If you don't want the 20, forget about it." So then he said "Ok" and posed for me. I took the picture and showed it to him. He was really happy and he posed again and said "Take another one" and I took another one and showed it to him again. He thought the pictures looked great, and asked me whether I was Brazilian. I said yes. Then he asked me my age. I said "33". Then he said "Oh, next time you come back here, you can look for me. Ask for Inácio. I can be your boyfriend." I said "No thanks. I already have one in Maputo." And he says, "Oh, but here this is how we work. You need one boyfriend in Maputo, and one boyfriend here in Inhambane, so that when you come here, you can relax [in Portuguese, he said "para você poder ficar na boa"].
Here is a picture of Inácio, and some pictures of the beach in Tofo.

Long weekend in Tofo Beach

2010-07-01T11:49:00.001-07:00

So last weekend was a long one, as Friday June 25th was not only the Brazil x Portugal game but also a national holiday ((35 years of Independence). I decided to go to Tofo Beach to get a tan, and found out that the easiest way for me was to sign up for Fatima's Backpackers' chapa (chapa is a mini-van, like a mini-bus, that does these internal routes: Maxixe-Maputo, Maputo-Inhambane, etc). Fatima owns a backpackers place in Maputo (on Av. Mao Tsé Tung, not far from the place where I had my encounter with the two corrupt cops) and also in Tofo, and has an agreement with a chapa service that leaves daily from Maputo at 5.30am to go to Tofo, and another chapa that leaves daily from Tofo at 4am to come back to Maputo. Each ride is 600 meticais. You have to pay one day in advance to buy the ticket. I was traveling Friday early morning, and went there on Tuesday to pay. Fatima's workers were a bit nervous about receiving my money so many days ahead of time. I think they did not have a place to store the money safely.
So Friday the 25th I get up really really early, get a cab service (by the way there is a 24-hour Maputo cab service run by this man called Noé. His cell phone number is 828706941) and arrive at Fatima's Maputo. There, the bus arrives at 5.30 but we only leave at around 6am. The chapa goes pass Junta the regular bus stop (I think, because I was sleepy and it was dark). and people keep coming into the chapa.
It took 9.5 hours to get to Tofo. I was very nervous about missing the Brazil game, but we arrived at 3.30pm. The chapa stopped once at a gas station for people to take pee breaks and buy food and the driver was really impatient. He kept saying "people think they arrived destination already!" after 5 minutes. Considering there were 15 people who got off the bus, I would expect him to be a little bit more patient, as 15 people can't pee in 5 minutes.
Then we stopped again because the chapa was overheated, and the driver went down to get some ice and water to water the engines. His helper the money collector asked whether anyone had toilet paper or towel or a cloth to lend them. I had toilet paper in my bad but did not offer.
During the entire trip what bothered me was the little skeleton decoration hanging down the rear mirror.

The door of the bus also had some World Cup players' stickers, which I found cool.

In Tofo, I stayed in the cheapest sleeping arrangement possible - the common dormitory. The bathrooms were communal, and the dorm beds did not come with covers nor towels. Needless to say, I did not use the bathroom much (neither for shower nor number 2. Since I was going to be back in Maputo on Sunday, it was really not that difficult). Since the nights were chillier, I asked them what to do about covers and they lend me one after I made a deposit of 500 meticais (they return the deposit once you return the cover). The cost per night was 400 meticais. People can stay in bangalows for 1 or 2 people that cost 800 meticais a night. For bangalows with private bathrooms, it cost from 1.000 to 1.500 meticais a night.

On my way back from Tofo on Sunday 4am I noticed that while we paid 600 meticais (there was one backpacker who said he only had 500 and the driver took it without complaining) for the bus ride the locals pay only 375.
Along the side of the road, there were cashew salesmen. They hang the bags of cashews on sticks, like scarecrows.

The way back took only 8 hours, we arrived before noon in Maputo.

Boutique Inclina

2010-07-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hoje fez frio e eu finalmente consegui estrear o pulôver que comprei da empregada da Tricia. Eu não trouxe nenhuma roupa de frio desta vez e às vezes faz uns 12, 13 graus em Maputo. Eu vi que há pessoas que vendem roupas na rua, mas nunca perto aqui de casa, e sim na Baixa. Fazia três semanas que eu me dizia para pegar uma chapa (condução) para ir na Baixa durante o fim de semana para escolher um agasalho, mas sempre tinha preguiça. Um dia eu vi a empregada da Tricia usando um pulôver bacana, e perguntei para ela onde que eu poderia comprar um. Ela disse que na Avenida Eduardo Mondlane, mais longe, havia lojas. Daí eu apontei para a roupa que ela estava usando e disse "mas essa daí você não comprou nestas lojas, né? Você comprou na rua?" e ela disse "sim". "E quanto sai, mais ou menos, se comprar na rua?""Ah, uns 50 meticais.""Hum, mas seu for comprar, vão me pedir mais, certo?""Ah sim, sim." Então teve um dia que eu propus o seguinte: se ela topava me vender um dos pulôveres dela por 200 meticais e ela topou logo (considerando-se que ela pode comprar 4 blusas novas na rua, é um bom negócio). O pulôver da foto, portanto, é mercadoria de pelo menos terceira mão.

Meu colega de trabalho me disse que esses camelôs de rua são chamados de "Boutique Inclina" porque você tem que inclinar para ver a mercadoria. Às vezes também são chamados de "Mercado Sentachão". De onde vêm essas roupas todas? Aparentemente, alguns anos atrás, houve uma campanha de roupas para a África e muitas doações vieram da Europa. Alguém viu aí uma oportunidade de negócio e pega lotes e lotes de roupas e empacota em grandes sacolas, que depois são postas à venda para esses comerciantes de rua (os sapatos também). Os comerciantes então limpam um pouco as roupas e voilá! Vendem na rua por 50 meticais. Eu já vi roupas de tudo quanto é estilo por aí, algumas de marca, outras com cara de terem vindo da Ásia (Índia, China). O pessoal se veste bem por aqui.

Pulôver, por sinal, se chama camisola aqui.

Orgasmo na praia

2010-06-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

Enquanto estava deitada na praia
Um pequeno inseto entrou em sua narina esquerda
Só sentiu aquele farfalhar de pequenas asas
Uma coceirinha
Sonhou com borboletas e teve um orgasmo involuntário
Nunca mais sentiu nada igual
Tanto acordada, quanto sonhando

The power of saving a little bit each day

2010-06-30T06:24:00.000-07:00

I will never talk to you again, he threatened.
And then removed the name from his Skype contacts, MSN, Facebook, and all the email accounts.
It was not like they talked all day anyway. That's just five minutes saved each day.
I can watch 15 extra movies in a year now, he thought. Good-o

Viagens da Iris - Iris's Travels

Mr. Tin, Mrs. Snow and Mr. Apfel

Cartoonists are like that

Dinner for two

Cartoons

Movie watched in November 2011

Movies watched in October 2011

Movies watched in September 2011

Movies watched in August 2011

Cartoons

Cartoons

Maputo parou de manhã por causa do ciclismo nos jogos africanos

Cartoons

Movies watched in July 2011

Cartoons

Birthday card

Ramadan 2011

Movies watched in June 2011

Movies watched in April 2011

Movies watched in March 2011

Another scam - just received

O discurso e a prática

The girl who loved pink

The boy who was raised to be king

Angelina, a menina diferente

Dia da Mulher Moçambicana

Maputo taxi drivers find new trick

Looking for an apartment

Haivanasia ou Havaianas?

Movies watched in February 2011

Movies watched in January 2011

Note after long hiatus

Movies watched in December

Privadas nos Estados Unidos

Only in the U.S...

Ímas de geladeira

Dinosaur

Gurué

Hotel Executivo in Nampula

License plates don't respect any special format

Inspired by P

O viajante e os torrões de açúcar

Movies watched in November

More on new format

Hollywood actors

Outro blog de brasileira em Moçambique!

The fairy godmother should know better

Current Travel Warnings (for American citizens only...?)

Paperwork to get entry visa in Kenya

Movies watched in October

Random

Observações no campo

This might even be a compliment for some people I know...!

Another birthday card

Children malnutrition (stunting)

Box of goodies

Pictures from Barcelona

Mother and child

Polygamy and Infidelity

Movies watched in July, August and September

Ex-presidente Joaquim Chissano

De volta a Maputo

Happy Birthday, M!

Ramadan experiment

Revenge

Como o primeiro fax

Grupo de tufo Estrela Vermelha na Ilha de Moçambique

*Great* AIDS propaganda...

Places for sex

Lies are like farts

Why sex scenes are more common than toilet scenes

Average laundry prices at a hotel in Mozambique

?

How to know you are in love

Advantages of polygamy

Sexual stories (sort of)

Addiction to wedding cakes

Keeping Faith

Restaurant stories

Little inconsistencies that are frequently observed

Great AIDS propaganda...